Oh dear God. The red flags of all red flags. The relationship to end all relationships. I am more then willing to admit this was the worst most abusive relationship I have ever been in. all I can say is that I was extremely depressed. The cock suckers code name will be….J. J was a blind date, and I must have been blind the entire time. We were introduced through a mutual friend ( HAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING WE MET ON A CHAT LINE) He asked me out for dinner and I said yea. I couldnt even remember the fuckers name. He showed up in a huge lifted truck, and like the asshole he was, he didnt get out of his truck, or open my door, and anything. I was 17 he was 24. YUP. I was a month away from being legal but I gave zero fucks. He took me to some Italian place, and we talked. He ordered a water, told me he didnt drink, and that he was just getting out of a serious relationship aka just broke off his engagement like two weeks ago. I told the big fat lie of I was 18, and that i was in college (which was true) and I was just looking to see what was out there. He and I liked the same food, music, shows. it was a great first date; dinner, mini golf, and watching the sunset off the mountains.. We kissed, and he dropped me off and I honestly didnt think I would hear back from him. At that point we didnt fuck so I assumed he wasnt interested. I got a call from him 10 mins later, telling me he had a great time, and asking me out to dinner the next day. Lemme back up a second. This guy was the devil in disguise. Tall, blue eyes, jet black hair, big muscles covered in tattoos. I was drooling. we went on five dates before we had sex. At this point I had slept with so many guys (no shame bitches) I knew what I liked, and who was good in bed. This dude was terrible. Absolutely horrible. He fucked to get himself off, and I laid there like a dead fish. I can honestly say in the 4 YEARS we were together not fucking ONCE did I get mine. NEVER. He was a one pump chump, and would slap my ass when he was done and say thanks and go get a beer. Oh yeah the guy who said he didnt drink actually turned out to be a drunk asshole who was dumped by his fiance for that very reason. I found out about two weeks into the relationship. Now I still dont know why but for some reason when a guy treats a girl like shit we want them even more. He was degrading, mean, abusive, and a cheater. He was also doing coke behind my back. He would call me a nigger, a cunt, bitch, fat, a whore. I remember when he went into a drunken rage and I tried to leave. He back handed me, and I walked home, about 3 miles, crying in my pjs. He showed up the next day blood shot eyes, huge thing of roses, tears in his eyes, saying that would never happen again. He begged and pleaded to me, saying how much he loved me scared him. I forgave him, for the simplest dumbest thought: I can fix him. Oh sweethearts was I fucking wrong. as time went on, his true colors would show. He would fly into jealous rages if I wanted to see my friends, or family. His drunken nights turned from weekends to just weeks. He finally gave up trying to hide it, and every single day he was drunk and angry. he beat me down each and every time I tried to stand up for myself till one point I guess a new shiny piece of ass came into his life. He dumped me, kicked me out of his apartment, and that was it. The first two weeks I was devastated, but then after that I was asked out by a friend. I went out and had so much fun. More fun then anything I had in the last year.I posted pictures all over social media, and within two days I heard the familiar roar of that fucking truck, and there he was outside revving his engine. I came outside and there he was with flowers, and a necklace, all hearts an flowers, begging for another chance. He claimed he was clean and sober, and that he was sorry and that he missed me. I grabbed my jacket like the dumb bitch I was and jumped in that truck. I knew he was dangerous, I knew he could kill me, but I wanted him to love me. and for the next year, I lived with him, being beaten, degraded inching towards death each and everyday. I wanted to kill myself.there was a gate tall, and boarded, and the only way out of our home. He put bars on the windows, and when he left to work, he would put a padlock on the gate. I could not leave. One day I had gotten brave said I was going to leave him, and he decided to punch me in the back of the head and dragged me to the front door. He locked the front door, and put the padlock on the gate so I was stuck in the tiny yard, like a dog, and he left me there for a hour and a half, in the 120 degree heat, with no water. I ended up blacking out and woke up to him dragging me into the house and him dumping water on me. I gave up then. I knew there was no escaping him. He finally allowed me to get a job, at a shitty little store, and took my paychecks. One night he picked me up from work, almost running over my male manager for being too close to me, and was drunk on a bottle of patron. I was scared but he usually forced me to get in the car with him while he was drunk by grabbing a fistful of my hair and punching me as hard as he could. I was furious at him, and I yelled at him and tried to take his bottle. My mistake. He punched me and I fell, behind a dumpster in our parking lot, onto broken glass, and rocks. I slammed my head, and broken my arm. he called an ambulance and simply said I fell getting out of the car. I had stitches to the back of my head, and a cast, and some stitches on my arm. He of course drove us home in silence. I went to bed, and he sat in the living room. I woke up and he was still the same position. He treated me the same way as before if nothing happened. J ended up getting 3 DUI’S while we were together, and his last one put him in prison for 2.5 years. His first year in I was lost. it was like seeing the world again for the first time. I had lost nearly 100 pounds, and i looked so unhealthy. My eyes were sunken into my skull, and the skin was so taught. I was so depressed. I used the time while he was gone, to date, meet, and reconnect. I found who I was. I reconnected with my now husband 9 months before J was to be released. We said it was just for fun but we knew better then that. My husband was the light of my life, he was my sun. He showed me so much, and he loved me without ever trying. He had his issues, and he was damaged as well, buthe*I connected on some other level. I had loved him since I was 13, and i thought he never knew I existed and he was holding me, kissing my forehead, and telling me he loved me. As the time grew closer for J to come home, as much as we wanted to pretend that this was just for fun, my heart began hurting when I thought of laying next to anyone but him. The day J was released I was miserable. He had written me everyday mainly because I was it and he had no one else. My husband came with me even, as he and I were living together in a two bedroom apartment and he would be J’s new roommate. I hugged J, and the whole time I hated it. I hated everything about him. I knew he was sober, and that he “loved” me, but I was angry. My husband stood back and when I looked into his eyes I could see it. I could see the hurt, and sadness. A week later he cornered me outside, behind our car, his hands wrapped around my waist and he kissed me. He told me he missed me, that he loved me. I looked at him, and even though my heart wanted him to love me, I thought he was just horny. I brushed him away and pretended to not feel anything. In the end J and I only lasted 3 months after he came out. My husband finally told me how much loved me, and how he realized he wanted to be with me. I told J and he left and lived with his mom. It’s been 3 years, and J still messages me, declaring his love, begging for me to come back. That relationship was the black mark on my life. everyone warned me and I ignored them. He has left emotional and physical marks on me, and my husband has to deal with that baggage and damage, that is left. That relationship made me stronger, wiser, and in the end led me to life prisoner. I wouldn’t change a thing in all honesty because of that I became a fighter, and I found someone who I love more then anything. J is still a raging alcoholic.
some people do come with a warning label
L.B
insane and in love 